Asking Good, Big Questions

I love good, big questions. When thoughtfully asked and open-heartedly and open-mindedly received, they evoke deep reflection, deeper than the everyday queries we ask ourselves such as what to have for lunch or when to convene a meeting. My questions tend to emerge during periods of quiet reflection or when I feel a sense of disquiet in my days. They also arise from curiosity and a desire for meaningful conversation, both with others and myself. … Read more…

Why Your Organization’s Culture Matters

In the 1990’s Roger James and I tried to help an engineering firm tackle some difficult issues like retaining staff and completing projects.  The groundbreaking work of Edgar Schein on Organizational Culture and Leadership had just been published. Most leaders and consultants did not understand what culture was nor how it affected organizational performance. Now, with the benefit of having helped numerous organizations successfully define and create strong, desired cultures, I realize that the engineering … Read more…

Patience Is a Virtue*

Imagine you are a four-year-old and a man places a marshmallow on a plate in front of you. He tells you that if you wait 15 minutes before eating that marshmallow you will be given one more. The man leaves and there you are, alone, with that marshmallow and 15 minutes of time. What do you do? If you waited 15 minutes not only did you get to eat two marshmallows, later in life you … Read more…

What’s happening, really?

Sally, a small business owner, shares an idea with an employee, Joe, who furrows his brow as she speaks. Sally assumes that the young man is ready to criticize what she is saying and gets defensive. She begins to build a case in her mind about Joe. “He reacts negatively to any ideas I bring up about the business. I am the boss around here. He should just do what I tell him.” (In her … Read more…

Generative Generosity

You know lots of ways to be generous. You open doors, offer your seat, donate to charities and sometimes even share your lunch. Generosity might not be a word you normally associate with how you interact with others, but it is an important and generative quality to bring to the table. You are generous when you pay attention to what others are saying and work hard to understand it. You are generous when you share … Read more…

Possibilities of Good Conversation

“I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can’t see from the center.” — Kurt Vonnegut

When I asked a group of 50 members of the Silicon Valley Organization Development Network during my presentation in June about the role of good conversations in creating change, here is what some of them said:

  • Encouraging collective wisdom to emerge
  • Expanding knowledge and perspective
  • Growing healthy relationships
  • Creating something more than and beyond what each individual brings
  • Creating a sense of shared ownership

How might you and your meetings change for the better if you thought of them as opportunities for good conversations? What possibilities might you discover if you dedicated at least one meeting or conversation a month to expanding people’s perspectives, inviting their wisdom into the room, and strengthening your relationships?

The recipe for a good conversation includes asking questions of genuine curiosity, opening to truly understand the perspectives of others, listening as if your life depended on it, sharing your highest aspirations and deepest concerns, and remaining connected to yourself and others when you disagree and when you don’t know, when the way forward is unclear. Good conversation goes to the edge of what you know and steps into the uncertain to create something beyond what individuals bring.

Perhaps there’s a conversation you’ve been hoping to have about a question you’ve been mulling or a nascent idea you’ve been chewing on or an emerging issue that is worrying you. Invite others to join you on the edge and see what possibilities good conversation stimulates.

Mary’s book—“Talk Matters! Saving the World One Word at a Time”—was named one of the best indie books of 2017.  Click here to purchase it.

Basics Still Matter

Rae Levine, a longtime colleague and friend, with whom I taught meeting management once looked at me in faux disbelief and asked, “Is there anyone left on the planet who does not know how to define desired outcomes for a meeting and build an effective agenda to achieve them?” We both cracked up. It seemed we had been teaching this to multitudes for years. I still teach both because there are many who either don’t … Read more…

Glue or Acid?

“Words are the finest invention that human beings have ever made. They build bridges and burn ‘em down. Glue or acid, that’s what the words you say will be.” So says Tyner, a character in Little Green, a novel by Walter Mosley. Think about your recent conversations. How many words used by you and others were glue and how many were acid? Bridge-building or glue words are ones that express caring, interest, and perspectives as … Read more…

Ask Really Big Questions

A participant in a recent leadership workshop asked me an evocative question: “What is your favorite chapter in your book?”. Given that the workshop focused primarily on communication skills I referred her to Chapter 9 on Six Indispensable Communication Skills in Talk Matters!. But then I paused and realized that one of my favorite chapters is Chapter 1 in which I describe the propositions underlying the practices that are the focus of the book. “They … Read more…

Suspending Judgment

This year I have the privilege of serving on the dissertation committee for Jen Mason, an engaging and highly competent graduate student conducting seminal research into “Mindfulness, Suspension and Learning in Multi-Stakeholder Groups” for her Ph.D. from Prescott College. I am grateful for this opportunity to reconsider the importance of “suspension” in productive dialogue and collaboration. I first encountered this idea while participating in a series of International Women’s Dialogues through the Dialogue Project at … Read more…