Talking Better Together by Clarifying Intentions

What do you want to accomplish at work or in your community? Who do you need to work with to get it done? What’s the most effective way to interact with them to achieve your goal? You prime how you interact with others by clarifying your intention towards them. Is your intention simply to look good, appear smart, and dazzle people with your brilliance?  Is it to convince them of the rightness of your goal … Read more…

Talking Better Together by Choosing Mindfulness

In anticipation of the release of my book this Fall, I will be highlighting content from “Talk Matters: Saving the World One Word at a Time” here in my blog. I hope as you read, we will grow as colleagues because I’m looking for people who will save the world with me. Specifically, colleagues who will save the world by talking better together—together with those we must work with to get things done for our … Read more…

Watch Your Wake

Instead of dog droppings, my longtime friend and teacher Angeles Arrien puts it more elegantly: “Watch your wake.”  A “wake” is the wave pattern or turbulence on the water’s surface caused by a moving object, like a boat.  If you have been in a boat on a lake when a larger and/or faster boat moves past you, you know how much disturbance exists in its wake. In recent meetings, I was reminded about the impact … Read more…

Agreeing or Disagreeing ≠ Listening

When Roger James and I teach listening skills, we ask people to look at a list of “non-listening behaviors.” The list includes thirteen actions including the usual culprits of interrupting, advising or persuading, and pseudo-questions (“Don’t you think that…?”) When we ask people if there are any surprises on the list they invariably ask why “agreeing or disagreeing” is on the list of non-listening behaviors. Here’s why. When you listen you are trying to understand … Read more…

Talent is Ubiquitous

I recently had the privilege of speaking at the New Leaders Council Annual Retreat in Washington, DC. One of the other speakers was Valerie Jarrett, Senior Advisor to President Barack Obama. In her informal talk, she said, “Talent is ubiquitous and opportunities are few.”  I agree with the first part of her statement and want to challenge the second. If “opportunities” means positions, like an elected or non-elected official or a manager or supervisor, I … Read more…