What do you want to accomplish at work or in your community? Who do you need to work with to get it done? What’s the most effective way to interact with them to achieve your goal? You prime how you interact with others by clarifying your intention towards them. Is your intention simply to look good, appear smart, and dazzle people with your brilliance? Is it to convince them of the rightness of your goal … Read more…
In anticipation of the release of my book this Fall, I will be highlighting content from “Talk Matters: Saving the World One Word at a Time” here in my blog. I hope as you read, we will grow as colleagues because I’m looking for people who will save the world with me. Specifically, colleagues who will save the world by talking better together—together with those we must work with to get things done for our … Read more…
Instead of dog droppings, my longtime friend and teacher Angeles Arrien puts it more elegantly: “Watch your wake.” A “wake” is the wave pattern or turbulence on the water’s surface caused by a moving object, like a boat. If you have been in a boat on a lake when a larger and/or faster boat moves past you, you know how much disturbance exists in its wake. In recent meetings, I was reminded about the impact … Read more…
When Roger James and I teach listening skills, we ask people to look at a list of “non-listening behaviors.” The list includes thirteen actions including the usual culprits of interrupting, advising or persuading, and pseudo-questions (“Don’t you think that…?”) When we ask people if there are any surprises on the list they invariably ask why “agreeing or disagreeing” is on the list of non-listening behaviors. Here’s why. When you listen you are trying to understand … Read more…
I recently had the privilege of speaking at the New Leaders Council Annual Retreat in Washington, DC. One of the other speakers was Valerie Jarrett, Senior Advisor to President Barack Obama. In her informal talk, she said, “Talent is ubiquitous and opportunities are few.” I agree with the first part of her statement and want to challenge the second. If “opportunities” means positions, like an elected or non-elected official or a manager or supervisor, I … Read more…
For years, my practice has been and continues to be focused on helping people have meaningful conversations about things that matter so they can do good things for the world, together. This intention inspires me every day in my work with organizations and communities. Underneath this focus is one core value and one belief. The core value is that those who will be affected by decisions have the right to be involved in influencing those … Read more…
A CEO of a hospital to which I consulted once asserted that how he and the managers treated the employees was important because it affected how they treated patients. Although this was years ago, it strikes me as true today as it did then. Only, it is not just in hospitals. It is in all organizations and all sectors. Employees tend to treat customers or clients as they are treated, just as civil servants are … Read more…
What are we to make of the horrifying events of last week? Two black men killed by two police officers and five police officers killed by one black man. Are there any words or gestures that are adequate or meaningful in the face of this increasingly destructive spiral of fear, anger and violence? New York Times Columnist Charles Blow wrote, “We must see all unwarranted violence for what it is: A corrosion of culture.” Perhaps the … Read more…
In an interview on June 30 on NPR’s KHSU* about my forthcoming book, Talk Matters! (stay tuned), a dear colleague phoned in with a delicious question: “If you could wave a magic wand, how would you change how we approach public hearings?” My answer included ideas and examples of how to make such gatherings engaging and participatory. Here I add an afterthought: the importance of opening up the solution space by creating win/win interactions. When you … Read more…
The doodle above is my colleague Michael Kraft’s “notes from a recent meeting.” It reads like a note from a prisoner on death row. You don’t have to be a prisoner of bad meetings! Honestly, you don’t. Or, not most of the time anyway. You have options. At least two people are responsible for you being a prisoner in a bad meeting: you and the person who convened it. You are probably already familiar with … Read more…